A life without children?


First comes Love, then comes marriage and then comes the baby carriage.... That's the way it's supposed to work...

I always want to be open and honest when writing but at the same time keep some of my personal life personal.

I debated on writing about this subject... Would I be telling too much? Would anyone understand? Am I just being selfish??
I thought I would take the chance that maybe someone else has gone through or is going through the same issues as I am.

Three years ago, my husband and I were not yet engaged but we were common-law. We has a surprise pregnancy, we were both thrilled! But at 9 weeks the baby was gone... It was devastating...

About 7 months later we had another surprise but again at 13 weeks the baby was gone... That was even harder... I went into a very dark depression.

With some counselling and support from my family and husband I got through it. I didn't want to try again for a long time...

A year later we were married! It was time to start a family! I was sure the time was right.
We have been trying for almost a year and no luck...

Personal Issues
I didn't want to write about is my age. I write about hair and beauty tips but I am a woman who is 41.
I thought I might lose a lot of my readers - how can some old person know about beauty tips - at least that's what I would have thought when I was younger.

Another personal issue is my husband is many years younger than me. There seems to be a stigma there.

Tick Tock Tick Tock
My biological clock is always saying "got to have a baby, got to have a baby", it also saying "You don't have much time - your too old to have kids".

As long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom.

What if I can't have children?

It's not fair
It's not fair that I fell in love later in life...

Its not fair for my husband. If he was with someone his own age maybe he could have children... ( He says that he always was interested in older women and would have to deal with this regardless of who he was with)

Am I just being selfish?
 I've only had 2 miscarriages and been trying to get pregnant for almost a year. Some women have had 5,6, 7 miscarriages - have gone years with no luck, had IVF treatments etc.

I know there is adoption and I have always wanted to adopt but I also wanted to have a natural child.


The What If's
What if I can't have children?

What if in 5 years my husband regrets marrying someone who can't have children?

Is it going to be just me and my cats?

I'm hoping someone can give some insight - good or bad. 

Should I just accept that it is not in the cards for me? 

Should I keep trying?



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