I miss my best friend...




I broke up with my best friend over a year ago. We were friends for about 20 years. 
We could spend hours together talking about everything and anything. Serious or silly. We would go hiking and we even climbed a mountain together. 

I was very self conscious and he gave me the confidence to just be myself. 

My best friend was male. I always got along better with men than with women and still do. 

He wasn't perfect, at times he would be brutally honest which could be hurtful at times. We wouldn't talk to each other for months. But something always brought us back to one another - we missed each other and the friendship we shared. 

At one time, we talked about dating each other but decided it was best to stay as friends. 

He was my go-to person. If I needed advice - especially about men - he would give me an insiders response. If I needed to just have a silly time, he was there. The same went for him - I was always there for him too. 

Relationships came and went - we always stayed friends. 

Then he started dating someone new, he became distant with me. The things we always shared we now "Private". We would still see each on occasion but I felt as though we were sneaking around. 

I know we had a really close friendship and that she (the girlfriend) probably felt threatened by that. 

I thought if we met she would see I'm not threatening at all but when we did meet, things didn't change at all...

For the next few years we communicated mostly through email every few months updating each other on what was happening in our lives. Then  I received an email from him letting me know that they are getting married and that I was invited to the wedding. I was so happy for him!

I was dating my husband at that time, I thought maybe she would see I wasn't "after her man" because I was in a serious relationship - finally we would be able to be friends again!

His wedding was out of town, I rented a car, booked that day off work. My husband worked the late-night shift and only had a few hours of sleep. But we attended their wedding. 

My friend was so happy I was able to be there! 

A few years pass and I am now engaged and planning a wedding. Besides my immediate family, the one person I wanted at my wedding was my best friend. 

We were still communicating through email, I reminded him many times of the wedding date and how much I wanted him there. 

When I needed the final numbers of guests for the venue, I once again reminded him of the date. His response was that he was going away on vacation that week and couldn't make it. There was a very blunt and insensitive tone to the email.

I cried. It was important to me that he was there. 

Then I started to realize that I was always the one to communicate first, I was the one to say "lets meet for coffee" or "I miss you".

In his mind I hadn't been his friend for a long time but he was always mine...

I know I dragged out this long story and it's been almost 2 years since we have communicated, but I haven't received a single email or phone call from him. 

How can he throw away 20 years of friendship just like that?

I know that being in any kind of one-sided relationship isn't really a relationship/friendship. 

Most days I know that I'm better off without a friend like that. 

Other days I'll remember something that we did or something that I'd like to share with him.  

I'm so happy in my life right now and I'd like to share that with him.
I miss my best friend...

Please share any of your stories of breaking up with your best friend or how something changed in your friendship.

*Update*

A few days ago, my husband and I were at Target. As we were leaving the store, my friend and his wife were entering the store. 

Our eyes locked, I smiled and he looked away pretending he didn't know who I was... (I saw the look of recognition in his eyes, so I know it wasn't that he didn't know who I was.) 

Is that a friendship? I really don't think so...

I was hurt and surprised he was so immature - looking away quickly, acting like he didn't see me...

For him to act like that after not seeing each other for over 2 year is pretty ridiculous...

I just had to share this update.