Most of my life I took care of my weight, I worked out, ate healthy even to the extremes of being borderline anorexic.
I used to think people would like me if I was skinny, boys would like me.
My daily routine was working in a retail store at first as a salesperson and then as a supervisor.
I would walk around my department all day, come home – usually walk home, workout, have a quick bite to eat(most likely the only time I’ve eaten all day) which was usually salad, have some computer time, work out again, go out dancing at the club and sleep.
If I splurged and had pizza or cake at a family birthday party, I was working out double my usual routine.
Almost 7 years ago, I met my husband and was at my smallest weight ever – 105 pounds and a size 3/4.
When I had my miscarriages 4 years ago, I lost my motivation. Especially after my second miscarriage, I went into a bad depression.
I didn’t do my makeup or style my hair and I really didn’t feel like exercising.
Slowly I got out of my depression.
I started working at my current job which is an office job.
I’m not moving around as much as I used to – I’m at a desk all day. I live in an apartment with very squeaky floors, I can’t annoy the people under my by doing my aerobics. To be honest, the floors drive me crazy!
I’m still trying to get my motivation back.
Maybe I’m just lazy now…
I see now what I was doing before was not for myself but for others. My distorted vision of what others wanted me to be.
If I gained weight, would my family still love me? Would my crush still be attracted to me?
Well I’m fat now and does my family love me less – no.
Did my crush still find me attractive? My crush would be my husband and I’m lucky enough that he loves my curves.
It’s not like I’m eating pizza and chips every day. I do eat healthy.
I’m slowly making the effort to exercise again - going for walks and swimming a few times a week.
I’m not at the clubs dancing anymore.
I do get frustrated with my weight sometimes and how much I’ve gained in the last few years, especially when I see pictures ( I even hated my wedding pictures because I was “so fat”)…
But I’m not letting my weight define who I am.
I’m fat – so what?
I have a wonderful supportive family and a husband who has shown me many times that he loves me just as I am.
Regardless of my size, I am happy.
I hope you can be happy too.