A life without children?

First comes Love, then comes marriage and then comes the baby carriage.... That's the way it's supposed to work...

I always want to be open and honest when writing but at the same time keep some of my personal life personal.

I debated on writing about this subject... Would I be telling too much? Would anyone understand? Am I just being selfish??
I thought I would take the chance that maybe someone else has gone through or is going through the same issues as I am.

When my husband and I were not yet engaged but we were common-law. We has a surprise pregnancy, we were both thrilled! But at 9 weeks the baby was gone... It was devastating...

About 7 months later we had another surprise but again at 13 weeks the baby was gone... That was even harder... I went into a very dark depression.

With some counselling and support from my family and husband I got through it. I didn't want to try again for a long time...

A year later we were married! It was time to start a family! I was sure the time was right.
We have been trying for 5 years and no luck...

Personal Issues

I didn't want to write about is my age. I write about hair and beauty tips but I am a woman who is in her 40's.
I thought I might lose a lot of my readers - how can some old person know about beauty tips - at least that's what I would have thought when I was younger.

Another personal issue is my husband is many years younger than me. There seems to be a stigma there.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

My biological clock is always saying "got to have a baby, got to have a baby", it also saying "You don't have much time - your too old to have kids".

As long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom.

What if I can't have children?

It's not fair

It's not fair that I fell in love later in life...

Its not fair for my husband. If he was with someone his own age maybe he could have children... ( He says that he always was interested in older women and would have to deal with this regardless of who he was with)

Am I just being selfish?

I've only had 2 miscarriages and been trying to get pregnant for almost a year. Some women have had 5,6, 7 miscarriages - have gone years with no luck, had IVF treatments etc.

I've tried going to several doctors and because of my age they didn't want to proceed with testing or treatments like IVF. 

I know there is adoption but that can take years, I would be close to 50 by the time the process has started.

The What If's

What if in a few years my husband regrets marrying someone who can't have children?

Is it going to be just me and my cats?

I'm hoping someone can give some insight - good or bad. 

Should I just accept that it is not in the cards for me? 

Should I keep trying?

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